“And Yet”

“And Yet”

Original:  

She provides an experiment of people sitting or standing in different positions.

New:

But nonverbals are real, and are arguably one of the most important factors in entering a discourse. This can be seen in her experiment of power poses. 

I chose to make this change because it helps to better explain how Cuddy’s examples and experiment relates to my claim.

Original:

One could have a well put together business plan, but have their presentation off due to them slouching and holding themselves, making themselves smaller. These nonverbals cues to the audience that the presenter is not very confident, thus showing that the plan as well could fall through.

New:

Adding to Cuddy’s argument, I would point out that one could have a well put together business plan, but have their presentation off due to them slouching and holding themselves, making themselves smaller. These nonverbals cues to the audience that the presenter is not very confident, thus showing that the plan as well could fall through.

Adding that signal in the beginning of that point, it helps to strengthen my thoughts. It helps the essay to flow better and to continue a conversation better.

Original:

If you are not able to “blend into” a certain social situation, then you will surely stick out like a sore thumb.

New:

The evidence shows that if you are not able to “blend into” a certain social situation, then you will surely stick out like a sore thumb.

This signal helps the essay to, again, flow better. This sentence itself stuck out, it almost felt like it was just there. But with the signal, it has a purpose within the paragraph.

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