Some areas in my rough draft that I could focus on are moving paragraphs around, summarize less while explaining more, and adding a strong concluding paragraph.

Around the middle of my essay, I start to talk about Cuddy. It is here that I introduce her with a paragraph. But my peers suggested that it should belong in the beginning of the draft since that is where all the introductions are made.

I agree with this comment, it is an awkward placement to have an introductory paragraph for Cuddy. Rearranging this paragraph could give my essay a better flow.

Throughout my rough draft, I caught myself summarizing a bit. But I had not realized just how much I was summarizing.

Instead of just summarizing, I could give some evidence and explain how it adds to my claim. This could help the reader better understand what I am trying to convey.

The final thing that I fully agree with is adding a concluding paragraph.

In my rough draft, I do not have an actual, strong conclusion. I only really end on a long paragraph that was explaining some evidence. It would make my essay stronger if I added this final concluding paragraph.

On page 13 of Gee’s journals, he talks about mushfake. This concept relates to Cuddy’s concept of “faking it until you become it”. Though they are similar, Gee does not believe that one can fully enter a discourse through this method. I could take up the different views of Gee and Cuddy and explain my view on how one can truly enter a discourse by comparing and contrasting the two different concepts.

 

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