Suggestions From Dani, Peer Review Comments, & Plans to Edit:
- Organize paragraphs so that they are grouped more together by the topic
- I had my second paragraph about natural systems and then another paragraph about it later in the paper; I could put these two paragraphs not necessarily “together” but at least group them so I am not repeating myself later in the paper
- Introduce all of my sources in the introduction so the reader has an idea of what to expect from the paper
- What are some of their opinions?
- could set up paper even more
- Talked about holon early in the paper, could define this so that readers know what it is because not everyone knows what it means
Class Notes
- Paper due on the 25th!!! but can be passed in by Thursday morning 🙂
- Break through that “one paragraph” barrier that you are used to. Sources do not have to be done all in a row with two sentences in the introduction.
- “They do not have to be sketchy they can be deep”
- think about presenting multiple examples for each segment, you are not done after just one paragraph
- A lot of the section about Polyface will be paraphrasing what they do. THEN you talk about how it improves upon industrial efficiency as well as the critiques of the industrial food system
- Take time to explain the details
- Aim for 3 or 4 paragraphs in the last segment
- What might a day in the life look like, use examples from Herzog and the Dalai Lama, why you are like the way you are right now, what changes can be made?
- You can use the posts on the class website (lab-grown meat, eating insects etc.) to talk about how your values would affect this
- Don’t forget to update work cited
- Wednesday is a work day, if paper looks good work on ePortfolio, if not work on improving paper and consulting
- Make sure that when answering reading questions, your approach to the question matches what the question is asking of you
